Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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