Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
