i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There r osticjed everywhere
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
