Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
