well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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