I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize