i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
