Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
