i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Randomize
