1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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