fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
