I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
