I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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