I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
