Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
