My friends, they love my intelligence
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
