i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
