I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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