I just saw a hot homeless man
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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