I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
