i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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