Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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