Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize