And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
