It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
