I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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