The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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