The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I got inside last night via doggy door
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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