I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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