The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Rumble strips road head = magical
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
