You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
