There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
