Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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