A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
