I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
