Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
