now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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