My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
