I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
