I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
