I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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