I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
