I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i've created a new STD.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
