someone threw a dead crab at me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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