I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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