Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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