I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
