Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
