I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
