Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
