Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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