i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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