Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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