Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
