don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
