it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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