Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
