I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
