Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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