those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
