It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
