I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
third nipple confirmed
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
