dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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