I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
