Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
