dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
