Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
