He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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