You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
