playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
