He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
