Swine flu. Run for my life!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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